Princess Porn

Note: This is not another rant about movies with air-brushed women, a condemnation of the males in our society, or even how to set up adult settings on the computer. Rather, it is an honest look at women’s own addiction–“wolves in sheep’s clothing”– and how we often overlook it.

Porn. Pornography. Pornographic materials. Movies. Magazines. Posters. Calendars. Websites. I’ve heard non-Christians tell me over and over that porn is completely normal–and all guys watch it…do it… or whatever. I’ve been told, “even the good guys who you’d think would never do it… they do.”
I’ve also heard equally as much Christian men publically confess they struggle with porn. They, in heart felt tears, stand up in front of judgmental audiences and lay it all out there. And, from my experiences, they aren’t met with support and welcome arms–but with awkward hugs and limited eye contact–as if they are sick. And contageous.

Youth groups get sermons on it. College students get sermons on it. And secretly, our pulpits run screaming from the subject.

Guys, I’m sorry. I’m sorry there is so much talk about how “dirty” and “nasty” your minds are. I’m sorry you get lectured on how those pictures are airbrushed, the fantasy scense aren’t real, it’s demoralizing and degrading–to you–and to us, as women. I’m sorry we think you ALL do it, ALL the time. Because, in spite what I’ve been told, I know it’s not true.

But I also must apologize on behalf of all women for our addiction. Porn has a strong hold on us too.

*gasp*

I was watching a stand up comedian, Whitney Cummings, the other night on Comedy Central. I’ve honestly never seen her before, but her opening jokes were pretty funny, so I got hooked. She got to the part in her act where she harped on men and relationships, sex, sports, and porn. Here’s a clip from that segment (click on the link to the ‘porn’ jokes. Don’t worry, it’s not that bad). But then she made a quick 180 degree turn on women. “Romantic Comedies are our version of porn.” (same link, Romantic Comedy).

I thought about this idea for awhile. As women, we get so offended at men looking at and idolizing pictures of girls who simply aren’t real. And yet, we watch P.S. I love you and secretly wish we had a boyfriend with green eyes and an Irish acent. We watch The Proposal and beg you–the men in our lives–to take us to Alaska. We dream about you playing a CD of songs (you picted out especially for us) as you make us our favorite dinner lit with scented candles and tell us in a deep and rich voice how many smilies we have–and which one is your favorite–all while playing the guitar straddled over your muscular legs, but still not covering those rock hard abs on which we’re dying to do our laundry.

Seriously, it’s that bad.

We’re fed stuff like Barbie and Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast… Disney…everything. Our back packs are pink and purple all the way through…college–where we then switch to pink plaid. Over and over we’re told to wait for our prince–don’t settle for a frog. We’ve never been talked to about sex (other than it’s bad and wrong–and to save it for your prince), we’ve been talked to about weddings, flowers, slow dances, knights, horses, and sweet singing song birds.

We’re offended when we see your fantasies–your fake ideals. It’s obviously dangerous and addictive behavior. But how many women DIE when they see Brad, Ben, or Topher Grace say the perfect thing at the perfect time when they’re fighting with Katherine Heigl on the big screen? We are addicted to the hope that someone perfectly understands our moodswings, likes/dislikes, personality, character, morals, and dreams–even better than we know ourselves. We can’t wait for your perfect proposals, or heartfelt apologies, or love letters left on our pillows. Your addiction, men, is a false look at the physical world. Our addiction, women, is a horrible distortion of the emotional realm.

I read an article in Relevant, and have had some interesting conversations about sex. Christians don’t know how to talk about it, without a voice of eith condemnation, or elbow pokes and awkward winks. If we, as Christ-followers, claim that sex is a God-ordained gift, how can we afford to have an underdeveloped language in theis precious area? And I’m not just saying this to help, “keep people pure,” who plan on marrying some day. Single or married, we need to start having converstations.

We’ve got addictions running around being called, “girls night out, ” and addicts going uncared for. But, can we be outraged–surprised even, by our addictions? The drug is so readily available, relatively cheap, and is wrapped up in beautiful story lines and catchy titles and high ratings. It’s a movie. We know it’s not real. Right?

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3 comments

  1. 2 things in reference to the Relevant article:

    1.) Have you made a Christian sex tape yet?

    2.) Have you READ some of the initial comments on that post??!? I was laughing gleefully while in the reference room. THEY ARE AWESOME.

  2. 1. No to the Christian sex tape… why, have you made one?
    2. Comments on the Relevant article–some ridiculous, some interesting, some actually worth thinking about.

  3. While yes we all want the perfect man, many of us women out there do understand that men, while wonderfully complex, are not simply women with penises, because that is what stories basically tell us they are. I have to agree with Ms. Cummings, we don’t actually expect our men to do any of those things on a regular basis just like they don’t expect us to walk around looking like Katherine Heigl or Sandra Bullock all the time. The ones that do buy into the bullshit are just young and naive and will learn in time that life is not a movie.

    Men struggle with porn partly because they have a biological imperative to spread their DNA, women struggle with romance partly because they have a biological imperative to nurture and to be protected. It is society that has made our natural impulses taboo. Men must live a nearly celibate lifestyle compared to the ones they were accustomed to just 150 years ago, and women have had even less time to adjust to being sexually revolutionized. Our society generally frowns on being a libertine or a housewife anymore. Not that I’m prescribing that as a cure to your malady, but it may help put your concerns into a different perspective. Think about where we have come from and how long those norms were in effect, change takes time, more time than we have been given to evolve into what we wish we were right now. And that may never actually happen. Nature has a strong hold on us all.

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